Why me?

I woke up today with a horrible feeling of 'fat'. Everything on me feels bloated and swollen past the point of recognition. It's hard for me to even walk past a mirror today. I may need to call the doctor to get a different kind of anti-anxiety med.. either this one is making me gain weight or it's just not doing anything for me and my self image issues are getting worse.

Ok, gotta go feed my dog. Bye.

Needles can be fun

Friday... there was debate on whether or not I would be called into work for the 7pm to 7am shift that night because our patients may be staying to deal with medication issues. That's fine.. normally I'm paged in the morning so that I know for sure..... weeeeeell... Mr. Ass man decided that i'm psychic and that I should assume that I was coming in and I didn't find out until 5:30pm when I called him to check myself. UGH! One of the longest nights of my life.

How does a Megu deal with stress and anger you ask? She gets piercings! So, the next day, I marched my big ass down the Art and Soul and got my lip done. It's super cute. It's kinda hard to see in the picture, but it's there. Now, to make matter worse, my mother decided that this automatically makes me a terrible daughter because I decided to spend a bit of money on myself. Even though I thought I'd been doing well in making sure that I'm able to pay all my bills and putting 400 in my savings every pay period. So, my night last night was filled with the words that I'm a terrible daughter and very disrespectful and obviously stupid as well as they're cutting me off now. Wonderful. I've never asked my parents for any money unless I desperately needed their help. Other than that, I've paid for everything myself. Guess that's not happening anymore. Thank god for Zach and Toma who made my night a bit more barable.

Sugah

Captain's log.. star date 07-15-2009. Today the crew began to ween itself off of sugar. Withdrawl pains are hard, they have the jitters and an immense urge to stuff their faces with chocolate. It's going to be a hard road, but I have faith. I can't remember the last time the crew consumed so much sugar and calorie free soda in one day. The poor souls are doing whatever they can to satisfy the craving. One can only hope that tomorrow will be better.

So yeah, I haven't had any chocolate or candy at all today, not even anything super loaded in carbs. For breakfast I had coffee and special K. Lunch was a code zero, some hummus with baked pita and a piece of roasted chicken, then I had a salad for dinner.

I WANT CANDY! ... but I can't, I musn't.. dare I relapse into my old ways and addiction to food. The say that the third day is the hardest. God help us all.

Ugh

I was so planning on going for a nice long run yesterday with my Sway dog.. and then it hit me. Migraine.... ugh. It was there from the moment I woke up, and still lingered a bit today. Since I didn't feel like cooking, I was horrible on my healthy eating regime and ordered pizza -_-' If it makes anyone feel better, I felt horrible after eating it. Kinda like I wanted to throw it all up. But I didn't *sigh* Belemia isn't my thing. There's a part of me that kinda things that I have anorexia.. at least some of the symptoms. I dunno, it's not that I starve myself.. but when I feel really bad, I end up binging. Then I feel so bad about myself after I've eaten. I'm just not sure how to break the cycle.

Oh, I posted a few new character designs on my deviant art page. Megu's Art Page

Hopefully I'll get the motivation to finish the big dragon thing that I've been working on for a while. It's really awesome so far and I can't wait to get some public opinions.

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It's 12:18 in the morning, and about an hour ago I ate some chicket strips from the cafeteria downstairs. I'm terribly discusted with myself.

And it begins

So far today is starting out alright. I did my running like I said I would. I didn't run as long as I'd hoped, but it still felt really nice to get up and move. Now I just need to get that punching bag so I can keep up with my boxing. Zach said that he'll help me stay on track and I know he will. He may be very gay, but he's a tough bastard O_o.

More to come as the day progresses.

Round one..

Again with the not writing no a regular basis, argh! I don't mean to be so lazy, I honestly don't. Hmm.. not a whole lot as happened since I wrote last. I'm still doing my lab work, and waiting for ass man to leave. Oh! I ordered a new cell phone today. I can't wait to get it, it's gonna be so awesome and make my text addiction that much easier. I ended up getting the LG enV touch. It's kinda like an Iphone, only it folds open to reveal a keyboard. Hehe...

Oh, check this out. I took this picture today at work. I have never seen a hibiscus outside of Hawaii and I was just floored by the colors. I stared at it forever, if I wouldn't have gotten in trouble, I'd have plucked it and stuck it in my hair. At least then, it would give people something cool to look at when they look at me.

I had my first day of boxing this evening. It was great, I ended up working so hard that I almost threw up. I haven't worked out that hard in ages. It felt amazing. I'm going to start going over to Lisa's for lessons every friday and hopefully get a bag for myself so I can practice. When I got home, this was the first time in a long time that I was somewhat happy with myself and what I saw. Let's just hope I can keep it up.

Rest in pieces, Ahune the Frostlord

So, about two days ago (yes, I know.. I havn't posted in a couple days.) I was playing WoW with my friends and finally.. after about 30 runs of this stupid dungeon, got what I had came for. The Frostlord's Scythe! Now, I know that I sound like a super mega nerd right now, but I don't care. It is epic and it makes me happy =3

Last night, I was kidnapped by my asian friends. We went out to a restaurant and ordered from the authentic menu. It was soooo good, and most of the people there were so surprised that an American could use chopsticks. That's when Xin told them 'Maggen only looks American, treat her like she's asian. She's really Japanese." God, if only. Then maybe I wouldn't have to watch what I eat so much so that I don't end up like one of those people you see on TV that can't get out of bed anymore and needs a forklift to get them to a hospital.

After the restaurant, we went to a bar called the Wild Bull. There, we met up with yet more asians and started drinking. After only about two, we were all brave enough to wrestle with the Bull. It's a big, black mechanical bull that you ride and hang onto for dear life, praying that you won't get thrown across the bar when it bucks forward. Well, turns out that I'm a bullrider at heart cuz I held on, ONE HANDED and ended up doing very very well. My pride point for the evening. Then we went next door the Monaco Bay, home of the duelling pianos and starting place for Matt Giraud, the guy from American Idol. I don't watch Idol, but I did used to watch Matt play there before he took off. It was fun, by the end of the night, either they got really good at english, or I started to understand Chinese. Either way... Asians eat a lot! Tu and Xin went and got pizza and hot dogs.

More to come hopefully. *shrug*

I want to be her

Yesterday I was drawing, like I generally do when I started to draw a girl. She had my hair and my eyes, but the rest of her body was perfect (save for the hole in her chest.. but that's another story). All I could think, all night and this morning was how badly I wanted to be her. She was beautiful and powerful. The more I dwell on it, the more sick to my stomach I seem to get. I'm sure it can't be healthy, but still. I so badly want to be her.

Wine and Sinus infections don't mix

Alright, last night when I got home from work.. at like 2am.. I decided to unwind a bit by playing some WoW and having a glass of wine. Well, my boyfriend and our guild leader were on, so we got to chatting and before I knew it.. I had drank an entire bottle of wine and was definitely feeling the effects. So, about 3:30am I went to bed and passed out. Now.. I've been battling a really nasty sinus infection for about a week. It's a lot better than it was before, thanks to lots of drugs, but I've still got an ungodly amount of drainage. It still boggles my mind how much mucus your body can produce. Anyway, when I woke up I was incredibly dizzy. I guess while I was out of it, the pressure in my sinuses spread to my inner ear. I nearly fell down just walking down the hallway at work. Even now, I still feel like I'm spinning and I'm not! Even though this chair is the spinny kind >.>

Walking into work today was the usual, though the ass man wasn't there. Yey! I guess he got pissed off because he found out that he wasn't invited on our 'group field trip' next week. We're gonna be headed to Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit to check out their EMU (Epilepsy Monitoring Unit..not the big flightless bird that can maul your face off). Well, I guess H-sensei mentioned it to Bonnie, my co worker that he wanted to know who all was going.. after that, the shit hit the fan because Tom (ass man) was told by our boss that it wasn't in the budget and that we weren't going. Haha, I'm glad I wasn't here for the tension but it still might have made my day.